Matt and Sarah Brown

Matt Brown, 35, is the owner of Christchurch’s My Father’s Barber. He has coauthored a book, She Is Not Your Rehab, with his wife Sarah, 38, a creative producer. The couple hold monthly men’s groups at their barbershop and partner with the Ministry of Social Development to help barbers create a safe space for men. The couple have three children – Oceana, 18, Angelou, 6, and Frida, 3.

MI was born in Auckland, but moved to Christchurch when I was three as Dad got out of jail and was offered a job in Christchurch. Once Were Warriors came out when I was 10 and the nine kids in my family thought it was a comedy because the violence in that film was nothing compared to our lives and the violence we experienced.

I was sexually abused from the age of three and stayed in every Women’s Refuge in Christchurch. Because of this traumatic upbringing, I had trust issues and found it hard to form relationships.

That’s why I’d been single for 10 years when I met Sarah. I was 24 and in a hip-hop band, because music was my release – it was how I could escape my upbringing. Sarah was an event manager for Tearfund and booked my band to play an event. The five of us in the band had similar backgrounds, and we’d go into schools and youth groups to talk about it.

I was attracted to Sarah’s beautiful eyes and her sense of style – she takes pride in her appearance. She was classy, but also deep and soulful. Many men live in a culture where they wear masks to hide their pain, but Sarah saw right past my facade.

We were friends for four years before it turned into anything else. Sarah had signed up to Tinder and was going out for dinner with a guy. I got jealous and thought, I could take a back seat if a new guy comes on the scene, but I don’t want to.

I also loved Sarah’s daughter Oceana, so didn’t want to mess that up. But I knew Sarah was the person I wanted to do life with.

I proposed a few months later. I booked a luxury escape in Akaroa and told Sarah there was a wedding on, but I’d go over first. When she and Oceana arrived, I showed her a video I’d made of all her friends. I proposed to Oceana first, asking if I could be her dad and marry her mother. Then I proposed to

Sarah.

What I love most about my wife is her kindness and compassion. She’s a believer and a dreamer and if she’s in your corner, she’ll be loyal until the end. When I met her, she was working to end human trafficking and poverty

– that’s the kind of human being she is.

It’s why we work so well – we both share a passion for those things as well as violencefree communities.

I wouldn’t be where I am today without Sarah. She’s truly my taonga.

SMy manager at the time heard Matt’s band play so asked me to book them for a gig. I was blown away when I heard him speak – his raw account of his childhood was incredibly powerful. I thought he was so brave and vulnerable to tell his story. We really connected on a soul level and became good friends. I was a single mum in Auckland at the time and Matt came up and stayed with me while he recorded his album. When he told me he wanted to get into barbering I put him in touch with my father who owned barbershops and got one of his barbers to teach Matt.

I was burned out from work so moved to the Cook Islands. A year later Matt asked me to help him with his new barbershop, so I moved to Christchurch and did his marketing. About a year later he told me he was in love with me and didn’t want me to date other guys.

I was pretty shocked because we’d always just been friends. I rang a mate, and she said, it’s about time, we’ve all been waiting for this. I guess everyone could see it except me.

Matt took me punting on the Avon and to the top of the gondola on our first date. I don’t really go for looks but on the soul connection, and I already had that with Matt. It moved pretty quickly after that. About four months later I was pregnant with our son Angelou, which was a total surprise as I had medical issues and doctors told me I might not be able to have more children.

Matt is probably the kindest person I know. He’d give the shirt off his back to anyone who needs it. Which is great, but sometimes people can take advantage of that. During lockdown a lot of men reached out to Matt for help, and he was up all night answering hundreds of emails. I’ve been trying to help him put boundaries in place, so he can still be loving and giving, but have enough left over for himself and his family.

Matt’s only negative is that he’s a hopeless handyman! I certainly didn’t marry him for his handyman skills. Whenever something needs fixing, my daughter Oceana usually fixes it.

I suggested we write a book because Matt had to get his story out there. It’s his story and his direction, but we brainstormed it and I did the actual writing, then he edited it. Matt’s message of non-violence and what he’s been through is so powerful, I knew it had to be shared.

She Is Not Your Rehab by Matt Brown with Sarah Brown, published by Penguin Random House NZ, is out now.