Coping with separation and children

The end of a relationship is a major stress, right up there with the death of a loved one.

Important parts of daily life suddenly need to be sorted out, while intense emotions make decision-making hard.

Here’s some information about the choices you may have to make: Can you and your partner work out who stays in the house, how to share belongings and money, and create a schedule for child care?

If you can do that respectfully, well done! Write down what you’ve agreed. The Family Court can formalise it via a parenting order, but it doesn’t have to.

The Care of Children Act 2004 concerns children and families, emphasising that the child’s welfare and best interests come first. Having the facts will help you to come to an agreement.

Both parents are usually guardians of their children whether or not they live together. This means they both have responsibilities to support their children and make decisions about education and medical treatment.

The Act also covers the legal process for moving children to a

different town or country. Additional guardians can be appointed by the Family Court but grandparents are not automatically guardians.

Parenting through Separation is a useful course offered by Barnardos, for free. Even if your partner doesn’t attend, it’s worth doing. If you go to court, this course is compulsory.

When you can’t agree, or agreements are broken, the Family Court is there. You’ll be

required to go to mediation before a court hearing.

There’s a fee for this, currently $400 per person, though the fee can be waived for low incomes. Local Family Dispute Resolution oganisations offer this service.

If after mediation you can’t agree, you’ll need legal advice to file affidavits in court. These are sworn statements, so the information must be truthful. Legal aid may be available.

The Family Court process can take up to two years, with conferences, hearings and judge’s directions. When you start the court process, you ask the judge to make decisions for your family.

There are fast track options if safety is a concern. Protection orders can be made where there has been family violence, but these don’t always cover the children.

To guide you through the process

and help you with the paperwork, there are Family Court Coordinators and Navigators (Kaia¯rahi). The Navigator can take calls and meet in person.

CAB is also here to help. Our services are confidential, nonjudgemental, and absolutely free.