Grieving doctor prepares to step out to help hospice

By her own reckoning, Juliet Fleming has had a ‘‘pretty shitty couple of years’’.

The senior doctor, who works at Nelson Tasman Hospice, lost her partner and husband of 32 years, John Mellor, to leukaemia last year, followed soon afterwards by her mother.

Then in March this year, she had a stroke, succumbing to a previously unknown heart defect. She’s still recovering from corrective surgery.

But Fleming, 58, is putting on a brave face – and an uncharacteristic pretty dress – and dancing in a competition to raise money for her workplace.

An independent trust is running the third biannual Dancing For A Cause event, in a bid to raise money towards the hospice’s annual $3.5 million funding shortfall.

Fleming says being a hospice doctor for more than 20 years did not prepare her for the grief she feels over losing her partner and the father of her two children, and one stepchild.

‘‘I thought I knew what I was in for. But no. Your partner is your life. You do everything with them.’’

She describes Mellor as a philosopher and ‘‘ideas man’’, while she was the practical one in their relationship.

It was a good partnership, she says. She worked as a doctor, ran the house, and was passionate about her hobby of home renovations, while Mellor, a writer and what Fleming calls ‘‘the driving force and inspiration’’, was the one who would dream up the house plans.

‘‘He was a lovely dad, just the best father. Every day. he’d think, ‘What experience can I give the children today?’.’’

Fleming says experiencing hos

pice care was eye-opening. She already knew that it was a good service, but was impressed with the care taken with her late husband.

‘‘It’s the little things. They just go above and beyond.’’

She gives the example of an incident that took place during her husband’s final days.

’’Time was really short. John’s bed was downstairs, and I had the old garden chair for him to recline in, in the corner to look out at the garden. But he couldn’t get into it any more.

‘‘[At a home visit] that morning, they said, ‘He would benefit from an electric La-Z-Boy’. Blow me down, they delivered it that afternoon.

‘‘It was just wonderful for John. He was so comfortable.’’

She believes that going through her own loss has made her a better doctor, as well as helping her understand how important the work is.

‘‘It’s given me a greater understanding of what people go through. Although I see the benefits of palliative care in our everyday work, it

was not until my family experienced this from the other side that I truly understood the incredible impact of the support and guidance that hospice provides.’’

Fleming is not a dancer – the only one of four sisters who doesn’t dance – but will start learning the foxtrot next month in a four-month process.

‘‘It’s sort of a way of saying thank you,’’ she says. ‘‘It’s so important to me that hospice continues.’’

She says she is petrified about the actual performance. ‘‘It’s so totally different to anything I’ve done. DIY has been my passion.’’

But her work colleagues are looking forward to seeing her in a dress.

Fleming has a fundraising goal of $20,000, and is already above $10,000 after organising a house and garden tour last month.

Nelson’s Dancing for a Cause event has previously raised $111,000 (2018) and $248,000 (2021) for Nelson Tasman Hospice. The 2023 event will have 10 local personalities, each partnered with a trained ballroom dancer, performing in front of a panel of judges and a live audience.

‘‘It was not until my family experienced [palliative care] from the other side that I truly understood the incredible impact of the support and guidance that hospice provides.’’

Dr Juliet Fleming