Wisnewski up for Cup after being ‘so scared’

Promising footballer says cutting short her first season with the Wellington Phoenix was the best decision she’s ever made – and she’s all the better for it. Andrew Voerman reports.

Grace Wisnewski went almost four months without playing a football match earlier this year as she took a break to look after her mental health.

But after returning to action in an age-group international friendly between New Zealand and Australia in June, the 20-year-old is feeling better than ever and is ready to play her part at this month’s Fifa Under-20 Women’s World Cup in Costa Rica.

In February, Wisnewski sat out a match for the Wellington Phoenix in A-League Women, citing her mental health situation, then decided to return home early from Wollongong, where the team were based due to Covid-19 border restrictions.

Just before leaving for Costa Rica, at the ceremony where the under-20 squad were given their playing shirts and had the chance to celebrate with friends and family, Wisnewski said: ‘‘It was one of the best decisions I’ve made’’.

‘‘At the time I was terrified about it, but personally it has done me really well, and I’m grateful for the support that I got then and the support I got throughout the time that I was trying to get better.

‘‘I’ve got so much better, but it was hard.

‘‘I hate missing games, I hate missing trainings, but it was the best thing for me, and it’s definitely helped me a lot.’’

Wisnewski’s first match since February 18 came on June 12, as the Junior Football Ferns had a 2-1 win over their Australian counterparts in Auckland.

When she first made the decision to take a break from football, she didn’t know if she would be in a position to make it to the World Cup, but after working with her psychologist and her under-20 coaches, Gemma Lewis and Nat Lawrence, a return-toplay programme was put in place.

‘‘The process was to come once a week for a while and then twice a week,’’ said Wisnewski, ‘‘but it didn’t take me very long to change that and just come fully back in, because I was missing it and I did miss everyone.’’

Wisnewski said she feels the best she ever has, having told ‘‘a little bit’’ of the story of her mental health struggles in an open letter she posted on Instagram in May.

‘‘I’m not saying I still don’t struggle at times because everyone does, but I think I’ve been learning how to control that better and to make sure a bad day doesn’t turn into a bad week. I can control that and get out there and carry on and do it.’’ Wisnewski loves to write and is always jotting things down in the notes app on her phone.

She began the letter she posted in May, entitled ‘‘Dear mental illness’’ while she was in isolation with Covid and while it was somewhat overwhelming to see it shared so widely, including by Fifa, she also knows telling her story in her own words helped her as she prepared to return to play — and will hopefully help others.

‘‘I find reading other people’s stories helps me so much,’’ Wisnewski said.

‘‘I finished it and then like two days later I posted it. It was all very quick, so I didn’t really think too much about it, but I talk a lot about wanting to help people and I just hope that it helped at least one person.’’

In her letter to her mental illness, Wisnewski explained how she had been struggling off and on for at least four years, while finishing high school and forging a football career in Hamilton and Auckland, as well as for New Zealand, that led to her being signed by the Phoenix for their inaugural campaign last summer.

She was one of the stars as New Zealand made history at the Fifa Under-17 Cup in Uruguay in 2018 by finishing third and winning bronze medals. She

won two player-of-match awards and scored three goals, including two as her side beat Canada in the third-place playoff, but in her letter, she revealed that ‘‘the best month of [her] life’’ had been ‘‘one of the hardest’’.

‘‘I was so scared to play,’’ Wisnewski wrote. ‘‘You told me I wasn’t good enough, that I shouldn’t have been there, that there were people that were better than me.

‘‘You gave me fear at a time that all I needed was strength. I was 16 years old, living my dream. I wish I could have just enjoyed the moment.’’

The next step after that World Cup was supposed to be the 2020 Fifa Under-20 Cup, but that ended up being cancelled as a result of the pandemic, so the vast majority of the history-making under-17 team missed out on a tournament they had been eagerly anticipating.

As one of the younger players from the squad in 2018, Wisnewski was still eligible to go to this year’s under-20 Cup, and she’s excited to make the most of the opportunity when their campaign begins this week.

‘‘It’s been a big last few months for me,’’ said Wisnewski, who is hoping to re-sign with the Phoenix for their second season in A-League this coming summer.

‘‘It’s been hard – no-one really talks about how hard it is recovering from being like ‘I’m not playing any more’ – but it’s been good.

‘‘Coming home early from the Phoenix is probably the best thing I’ve ever done and I feel the best that I ever have.

‘‘I’m really pleased with how I’m feeling and how I’m doing and grateful that I could get back on the field and come to this World Cup.’’

‘‘I’ve got so much better, but it was hard. I hate missing games, I hate missing trainings, but it was the best thing for me, and it’s definitely helped me a lot.’’ Grace Wisnewski