Cairns fears he may never get back on his feet

Black Caps batsman says the regret will live with him for some time, after punching his bat and missing the T20 World Cup final with injury. Mark Geenty reports.

There’s light at the end of 2021 for Devon Conway after the darkest few weeks of his successful first year of international cricket.

Conway is back home in Wellington, having been glued to the TV for the Black Caps’ first-test draw with India, and plans to cheer on his Firebirds mates from the Basin Reserve hill tomorrow as he cradles a broken bone in his right hand.

He hopes to be available for the first test of the home summer against Bangladesh on January 1, although further X-rays and a visit to a hand specialist on Monday will provide a more definitive recovery timeline.

First things first: trying to make sense of the past month. The morning of November 11 won’t be quickly forgotten, as an already shattered Conway faced up to the task of informing his Black Caps captain and coach about the X-rays after a ``moment of silliness’’ the previous night.

At the team hotel in Abu Dhabi, three days out from the Twenty20 World Cup final against Australia, Conway had to tell his team-mates he was out of the tournament, and the tour of India. Conway had angrily punched his bat with his gloved right hand after he was stumped for 46, thinking he’d blown the ultimately successful run chase against England in the semifinal.

``I was devastated when I got the X-ray results that I’d broken my fifth metacarpal and it was going to put me out for 6-8 weeks, [which was] the initial diagnosis. The toughest part was to explain to Gary Stead and Kane Williamson and the rest of the team that, unfortunately, through a moment of silliness I’d broken my hand,’’ Conway tells Stuff.

``That was one of the toughest things to accept, to tell them: `I feel like I’ve let myself down and let the team down’, and let the country and my family down, for that matter.’’

Conway, who turned 30 in July, a month after his incredible doublecentury on test debut at Lord’s, was grateful for his team-mates’ support.

``Once I expressed that emotion to the guys they really did get around me, which was the best thing for me at the time.

``The fact that they said `it was a bit of a freak accident, there’s no way you would have ever thought punching your bat like that would have broken your hand and put you out of the World Cup. These things do happen, we still back you and you’re still part of the team’.’’

Conway did whatever he could to support his team-mates, helping Tim Seifert with wicketkeeping drills and fetching balls for the bowlers, in the leadup to the decider which they lost to Australia.

Then as the test squad flew to India, Conway was on a plane home still pained, but insistent on learning his lesson.

``When you get into that state of high emotion you want to take a split second to think about what you’re going to do, so you don’t have regrets in the future. Unfortunately that’s going to be a regret that I’ll have to live with for a long time, and I’ve got to take the learnings from that situation and become better for it.’’

Now, one year and one week since his international debut against West Indies at Eden Park, Conway awaits his medical appointment and a rehab programme, with an eye to that first Bangladesh test at Mount Maunganui.

December 22 was the initial date when the bone might be fully healed, which would likely give Stead the green light to include Conway, albeit with no recent match practice. After all, Conway still averages 50-plus in all three formats he’s played for the Black Caps and is a walk-up start in any XI.

Conway’s familiar with preparing for top-level cricket after a setback. He suffered a non-displaced fracture in his left middle finger when struck on the glove while batting for Southern Brave at Lord’s in The Hundred on August 1, and went into the T20 World Cup cold.

``My goal is to make it back for that first test, for sure. Ideally I’d want to make it back for that test, but I don’t want to put pressure on the recovery process to make it by that time,’’ Conway said.

``I do want to make sure my hand is fully recovered, as opposed to trying to come back too soon and then it delays the process even longer ... I’ll do everything in my power to try

and make it back by then.’’

Conway was encouraged by chats with his Firebirds team-mate Ollie Newton who suffered a similar break to his fifth metacarpal and was back batting in the nets within four weeks.

A return to the Basin this weekend will also spark Conway up for the big one of the home summer: the second test against South Africa on February 25. At his adopted home ground, against some old mates he grew up with like wicketkeeper Quinton de Kock, before Conway landed in the capital in September 2017 to pursue his dream of international cricket.

``That would be huge. I managed to see some of the boys at the World Cup which was unreal. It was awkward in the beginning, all these guys I’ve played with and played against, seeing me for the first time in four years . . . but I received some of the most genuine congratulations from the majority of the South African players.

``It was so special and made me feel like, wow. It was quite breathtaking.’’

Chris Cairns is propped up in his hospital bed in Canberra but still has cricket on his mind. He wants to know about England and their Ashes preparations, specifically whether Ben Stokes will be fit for Brisbane.

Then again, chat about hamstring strains and broken fingers feels rather trivial when Cairns is facing up to the possibility that he will spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.

``I don’t know if I will ever walk again and I have made my peace with that,’’ he says. ``It is now about understanding I can lead a full and enjoyable life in a wheelchair but at the same time knowing it will be different.’’

It is strange to see Cairns – a giant of a man, whose natural bullishness made him seem even bigger in his playing pomp – so physically diminished. But, as he points out himself, he is simply ``lucky to still be here’’.

The 51-year-old suffered an aortic dissection – an often fatal rare heart condition – in August and was on life support. He was saved by four open heart surgeries but such was the strain on his body, a blood clot formed and he had a spinal stroke on the operating table, leaving him paralysed from the waist down.

Four months later he is living at the University of Canberra hospital in a special rehabilitation facility while modifications are made to his home.

``It has been 14 weeks since I had my injury and it feels like a lifetime when I look back,’’ he says. ``I have zero recollection of the eight or nine days when I had four open heart surgeries.

``My wife, Mel, was with me the whole time and I have to refer back to her constantly with regards to what was going on. I was completely out of it.’’

Cairns is not used to being let down by his body. He played 62 tests and 215 ODIs for New Zealand, and appeared regularly for Nottinghamshire between 1988 and 2008, but his sheer strength would have made him a Twenty20 superstar had the format existed.

His larger-than-life reputation on the field extended off it, and not

‘‘It is now about understanding I can lead a full and enjoyable life in a wheelchair.’’

always to his benefit. His standing was damaged by match fixing allegations more than a decade ago that led to a High Court libel case he won against Lalit Modi, the IPL founder.

He was later charged with perjury by the Metropolitan Police after former team-mates came forward to back up the match fixing allegations. He was eventually cleared at Southwark Crown Court in 2015 but only after Brendon McCullum and Lou Vincent testified against him.

After the trial he returned to Australia and moved on from cricket, building up a new career working with sport tech start-ups. But his illness has rebuilt some bridges with New Zealand cricket, with McCullum one of the first to wish him well publicly.

``There have been relationships which over the last decade have fractured that have been reignited on the back of a new perspective on life. It is almost like everybody has moved on which has been heartwarming,’’ says Cairns.

``It was good of Brendon to wish me well. He said some kind words, which I thought was very decent of him.

``After the court case people took sides but off the back of this I can’t heap enough praise on New Zealand Cricket and the New Zealand Cricket Players’ Association for the help they have given my family through this time.’’

Cairns believes his sporting career is helping his recovery, as he adapts comebacks from injury as a player to trying to walk again. His positivity is remarkable.

``Having rehabbed during a sporting career you understand mental discipline is required. I know that some people in rehab facilities don’t have that background and they struggle with motivation to get up every day. They are not seeing many gains. Having that background and single mindedness will play a role in helping me get to where I want to get to.

``It would be quite easy to give up and accept, maybe this is it. I will try and squeeze everything I can in over the next 12-24 months. Having been in a career when bones and muscles take six weeks to repair, there is no timeline here.’’

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Chris Cairns