Peers versus parents

I am writing about Sapeer Mayron’s article on parental concerns around device use (November 26).

Nathan Wallis offered some helpful suggestions, such as talking to our children about the issue, having a plan around it with routines and healthy habits. But these presume that our children are more attached to us than they are to their peers via their devices.

Children only take their cues from those they are attached to. The real issue is that we are facing a peer-orientation epidemic; our children are spending huge amounts of energy and time connecting to peers rather than adults responsible for their emotional and physical needs.

No wonder the levels of anxiety in our young ones are increasing, as peer attachments are fickle and unmonitored by adults when online (hence the increase in online bullying).

The bottom line is for us parents to create a deeper attachment with our children so that they will want to honour the boundaries we place around screen time, want to spend time with us, and take their cues from us. When we say “time to come off your device” we need to become their

answer for belonging, emotional safety, significance and love.

Ruth Lawson-McConnell, Auckland